'That which does not kill us makes us stronger' this is my journal of those non-killing events.

Red Vs. Blue quotes...gotta love'em!

 

 

1.Voice Mail System: To mark this message as "Important" please press 11.

 

Church: THERE IS NO 11 YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!

 

2. Kaboose: Don't worry, he has not tried to bite me at all!

 

Alien: BLARGH

 

Kaboose: ...since the first time he bit me.

 

3. Tex: He didn't scare the crap out of him, he scared the SOUL out of him.

 

[Someone, can't remember who...]: Ah his soul is made of crap.

 

4. Kaboose: Doctor Doc, please you have to help him!

 

Doc: Uhhh I don't know what I can really do to help him. My first aid procedures aren't very effective AFTER DE-COM-PO-SI-TION!

 

5. Kaboose: I'm Ok! I'm ok!

......

I'm not ok!!!!!

 

6. Griff: GO HOME.

 

Griff's Sister: WHAT?

 

Griff: GO HOME RIGHT NOW. Get in your ship, don't crash it, and fly it home. RIGHT NOW.

 

Sis: Whatever. MAKE ME.

 

Griff: As much as I don't wanna ruin my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself!

 

7. Griff's Sister: Well you always looked after me when mom ran away to join the circus...

 

Simmons: W-Wait a second, your mom is in the circus? Y'know, at first I didn't like you but you've already made my insults 45% more efficient by just saying one sentence.

 

8. Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colors, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.

 

9. Tucker: What the fuck happened?

 

Kaboose: Oh, well, uh, as you may remember you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from the...

 

Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?

 

Church: Yeah: you got knocked up. You got knocked out.

 

Tucker: Oh, right. I need to start working out. Lose this baby weight.

 

Kaboose: Yeah y'know w-we should all start working out, y'know, uh, especially some of *us*.

 

Tucker: Yeah some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.

 

Church: You guys talking about me?

 

Kaboose: Wel-yeah, I didn't want to say anything.

 

Tucker. Yeah, that's why we said something...FATTY!

 

Church: Hey, back off guys I've been under a lot of stress! I've been carrying this whole fucking team!

 

Tucker: Where'd you carry us? To the buffet?

 

Kaboose: He said it!

 

Tucker: What are you guys doing up here anyway? What's that huge thing??

 

Kaboose: It's church.

 

Church: HE MEANS THE SHIP, KABOOSE!!

 

Kaboose: He said it!

 

10. Griff: You're the chattiest corpse I've ever seen. 

 

11. Griff's sis: SERIOUSLY, what the FUCK are girly laps???

 

12. Simmons: Girls can't be color blind!

 

Griff's sis: Ya, well they said girls can't ejaculate either, but GUESS WHAT?!

 

Griff: WHAT!

 

13. Church: Don't be snarky!

 

Tucker: Sorry dude, it's the hormones. I just had a baby!

 

14. Church: ...he's a lot like me.

 

Tucker: A lot like you??? SHIT! Do I have enough time to put in my earplugs and hide all our food??

 

Church: Up yours, dickhead.

 

15. Griff: What?!?! I'm negotiating a hostage!

 

Church: Got any money money??

 

Griff: Fuck you, dude! 

 

16. [Blue team asks if there was anything else on the ship.]

 

Griff: Nope, just the girl! There weren't any more aliens for you guys to fuck!

 

Tucker: [Talking about Griff's sis] That's ok, we can fuck this one!

 

Griff: GOD DAMN'T! Never mind just send her back!

 

Tucker: No take-backs!!

 

Griff: Aww what the fuck??!!

 

17. Griff's sister: Oh, cool you have a dog??

 

Tucker: That's not a dog that's my kid!

 

Griff's sister: Oh, cool! You have a kid that looks like a dog??

 

Church: Nice save.

 

18. Kaboose: Is she a mean girl or a regular girl??

 

Church: Kaboose, what did I tell you?

 

Kaboose: That there are no regular girls.

 

19. Tucker: It's ok baby, I'll protect you!

 

Sister: Ya, that's what the last guy said and now I can't stop scratching.

 

Tucker: Ok...never mind.

 

20. Tucker: Dude we finally have two girls on our team. Do you know what that means?

 

Kaboose: Yeah....Coed softball teams! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket.

 

21. Tucker: ....I will rock your fucking world.