A wish; a hope; a dream; a vision; a desire; a want...

An unlikely future. All of those terms perfectly describe this idea, this wanted yet unwanted feeling. I might as well call this whole blog "Meredith's aspirations and her moments of bitchiness." Yup, that sums up what it seems to be now. I guess I should start with the story now, huh?

Well, band banquet is coming up! OH YES!!!

....Oh no. I don't have a damn date! GRRRRRR y'kno if I was flirty enough or prettier or skinnier or just more outgoing, I might have a date. But... that's not the case. Ok, I'd be perfectly fine with not having a date, but I kno that come banquet when everybody's slow dancing with their dates and are having a good time, I'm gonna be that girl on the side just watching and wishing that it were different... and then the nerdy kids who wanted to ask me as a date or did ask me as a date and I said no because they practically stalk me [seriously, random myspace messages, text messages, phone calls when I DIDN'T give them my phone number...] are going to start coming up to me saying "Would you like to dance?" and I'm not going to be able to hide anywhere. My friends will either pity me or say "Well it's her own fault for not getting a date." Seriously, no self esteem on my part.

And then there's the guy I'd LIKE to go with. The guy I have a very tiny small crush on. The guy I've always thought was cute and was nice and had a great sense of humor [humor is a MUST for me and is a great turn on, too. If you can't make me laugh, then don't bother. And I don't mean laugh like 'heh...that's funny.' =] I mean like serious belly-aching laughing, where I'm swinging my head back and laughing really loud. ] and was a good friend. I'd like to ask him, but I don't kno how. For starters....he's 4 years older than me. We're in the same section and we're actually pretty good friends. Not GREAT, but good. We can carry on a conversation and we're close enough where we can hug and exchange secrets and I can cry on his shoulder and I kno he'll be there for me [which is what I love about him the most.] Now, I kno we'd never date, at least not while I'm still in high school, but even after that probably never so I kno boundaries and I accept that fact. I'd still like to go with him as a date though. Also he doesn't have a date, and I don't have a date. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

OK, so now I'm going to ask you to bear with me because this gets confusing. Vision 1: I had a dream. A dream where I was at school and I was enjoying my day and even though some weird things happened it was good. Fast forward dream; It was lunch time and it was D lunch. D lunch is the last lunch. Most seniors who have D lunch and then senior release for last period usually just leave and don't bother going to lunch. Ok, so I'm dreaming and in my dream the guy I want to take as a date comes to D lunch. He NEVER has come to D lunch because it's not his lunch and he's a senior so why bother staying?? Ok, REALITY: Less than a week since I had that dream, the guy actually comes to my lunch!! How weird as that? Ok, I'm not psychic but I've had several of these dreams lately and I've had a lot of deja vue's.

Vision 2: Quick version; my date for banquet is the guy I want to be my date. He's there! And we're having fun, and we actually act like a couple almost. Is this dream possible?? At least the part about him being my date??  I wish it were. I hope it is! So now I can either talk to my friend about asking him for me, or I can ask him myself [which I really don't want to do because I'm a wuss, I'll stutter a lot, and I'm afraid of confrontation], or just ignore and either find some one else or go alone. Any ideas???