'That which does not kill us makes us stronger' this is my journal of those non-killing events.

Red Vs. Blue quotes...gotta love'em!

 

 

1.Voice Mail System: To mark this message as "Important" please press 11.

 

Church: THERE IS NO 11 YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!

 

2. Kaboose: Don't worry, he has not tried to bite me at all!

 

Alien: BLARGH

 

Kaboose: ...since the first time he bit me.

 

3. Tex: He didn't scare the crap out of him, he scared the SOUL out of him.

 

[Someone, can't remember who...]: Ah his soul is made of crap.

 

4. Kaboose: Doctor Doc, please you have to help him!

 

Doc: Uhhh I don't know what I can really do to help him. My first aid procedures aren't very effective AFTER DE-COM-PO-SI-TION!

 

5. Kaboose: I'm Ok! I'm ok!

......

I'm not ok!!!!!

 

6. Griff: GO HOME.

 

Griff's Sister: WHAT?

 

Griff: GO HOME RIGHT NOW. Get in your ship, don't crash it, and fly it home. RIGHT NOW.

 

Sis: Whatever. MAKE ME.

 

Griff: As much as I don't wanna ruin my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself!

 

7. Griff's Sister: Well you always looked after me when mom ran away to join the circus...

 

Simmons: W-Wait a second, your mom is in the circus? Y'know, at first I didn't like you but you've already made my insults 45% more efficient by just saying one sentence.

 

8. Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colors, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.

 

9. Tucker: What the fuck happened?

 

Kaboose: Oh, well, uh, as you may remember you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from the...

 

Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?

 

Church: Yeah: you got knocked up. You got knocked out.

 

Tucker: Oh, right. I need to start working out. Lose this baby weight.

 

Kaboose: Yeah y'know w-we should all start working out, y'know, uh, especially some of *us*.

 

Tucker: Yeah some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.

 

Church: You guys talking about me?

 

Kaboose: Wel-yeah, I didn't want to say anything.

 

Tucker. Yeah, that's why we said something...FATTY!

 

Church: Hey, back off guys I've been under a lot of stress! I've been carrying this whole fucking team!

 

Tucker: Where'd you carry us? To the buffet?

 

Kaboose: He said it!

 

Tucker: What are you guys doing up here anyway? What's that huge thing??

 

Kaboose: It's church.

 

Church: HE MEANS THE SHIP, KABOOSE!!

 

Kaboose: He said it!

 

10. Griff: You're the chattiest corpse I've ever seen. 

 

11. Griff's sis: SERIOUSLY, what the FUCK are girly laps???

 

12. Simmons: Girls can't be color blind!

 

Griff's sis: Ya, well they said girls can't ejaculate either, but GUESS WHAT?!

 

Griff: WHAT!

 

13. Church: Don't be snarky!

 

Tucker: Sorry dude, it's the hormones. I just had a baby!

 

14. Church: ...he's a lot like me.

 

Tucker: A lot like you??? SHIT! Do I have enough time to put in my earplugs and hide all our food??

 

Church: Up yours, dickhead.

 

15. Griff: What?!?! I'm negotiating a hostage!

 

Church: Got any money money??

 

Griff: Fuck you, dude! 

 

16. [Blue team asks if there was anything else on the ship.]

 

Griff: Nope, just the girl! There weren't any more aliens for you guys to fuck!

 

Tucker: [Talking about Griff's sis] That's ok, we can fuck this one!

 

Griff: GOD DAMN'T! Never mind just send her back!

 

Tucker: No take-backs!!

 

Griff: Aww what the fuck??!!

 

17. Griff's sister: Oh, cool you have a dog??

 

Tucker: That's not a dog that's my kid!

 

Griff's sister: Oh, cool! You have a kid that looks like a dog??

 

Church: Nice save.

 

18. Kaboose: Is she a mean girl or a regular girl??

 

Church: Kaboose, what did I tell you?

 

Kaboose: That there are no regular girls.

 

19. Tucker: It's ok baby, I'll protect you!

 

Sister: Ya, that's what the last guy said and now I can't stop scratching.

 

Tucker: Ok...never mind.

 

20. Tucker: Dude we finally have two girls on our team. Do you know what that means?

 

Kaboose: Yeah....Coed softball teams! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket.

 

21. Tucker: ....I will rock your fucking world.

Saw Pirates Three last week! AWESOME!!!

 

My birthday's on Wednesday! 15 candles BITCH!

 

I'm no longer single.

 

My boyfriend's name is Jason :]

 

Band camp [May camp, acutally] was a couple of weeks ago.

 

I made Varsity band!

 

I spent the weekend with my sister.

 

I no longer want to drink or go to a college party because of my sister and her friends.

 

I no longer want to have sex because the movie, BABEL, has officially freaked the crap out of me.

 

Today is my last day to be 14. ;]

 

And I want to be a Pirate!!!! ;]

 

[Ya, that movie was AWESOME!!! I keep thinking about how if they make a Pirates 4, I really want to be in it! SO I'm thinking I should somehow start putting my name out there as an actress and see if I can, like, become Will's sons' love interes! Hahahahahah wouldn't that be SWEET!]

 

 

I think I'd be pretty good at it hahah.

Our power went out on Wednesday at 7 PM and came back at 5 AM on friday morning. It sounds bad, but it wasn't. I was gone most of Thursday [at school WITH power =] ] so when I came home I just did homework and went to bed. Not much time needed to be killed.

 

Schools going to end SOON! I'm happy. I'll miss the seniors, though. Including Ben, Jim, Brittany, Kimberly. ESPECIALLY Ben and Jim because they were in my sax section, they both made me laugh, I love them to death, and now I can't grab Jim's flabby boob anymore. :[ Hahah...you kind of had to have been there the first time he MADE me grab it.  

 

I'm going to be in the Theatre 1 play "Step on a Crack" this Saturday and Sunday!! Which sounds more exciting than it really is. Especially since every day this week I have to stay until 9 PM to work on the gay play. I wish I hadn't done it now, it's just a really annoying time commitment and the people there just piss me off and I have a REALLY hard time working with them except for like 2 or 3 people out of about 12. Meh, I'll deal.

 

Oh well. Life is grand.

All righty, let's see... Where shall I begin. AH! How about w/ Friday, hmm?? All right. Friday: 5 O'clock. I'm supposed to go to Chili's for our cast party for the play I'm in. My theatre teacher/director thinks we need a "bonding session" y'kno, to get to know each other so it'll make the play look better and what not. So I go to Chili's. 5:00 PM. I arrive, no one's there yet. 5:05 Still nobody there except for me. 5:10 I'm getting worried. Did I have the wrong date written down? 5:15 Start calling friends asking for numbers. 5:25 FINALLY get a hold of one of my castmates, Erika. I ask her "Are we still doing the Chili's thing?" She responds "No we cancelled it yesterday." (The day I wasn't there for rehearsal.) "Why, are you there?" ME trying to control my anger "Umm, ya actually. Haha." "OMGsh! We TOTALLY forgot about you!" That's for sure.

 

Well I'm already at Chili's so I think, WHAT THE HELL. Might as well get food while I'm here. So I tell the hostess that instead of the 10 people that were supposed to come, it will just be ME. Me. All by my lonesome. Me. She sits me in a small booth thingy. My waitress comes, she sits down in the seat opposite of me and says "Hey, what're u doing all alone on a Friday night? Shouldn't a girl like you be having fun and hanging with friends??" I tell her my story. I kno that she's trying to be nice, but jeez lady, you make me feel like a sad little abandoned puppy sitting alone in the rain. She was really nice though, so I shouldn't be too hard on her. She says "Well screw them! Now we get to have girl time! Haha!" [Seriously, I thank her for being such a good person and being so nice to me. I really hope that I'll meet her again because I really enjoyed having her as a waitress.] She then says "What can I get you a margarita...in about 5 years?? Haha." Hmmm everytime I come in to this Chili's they always try to push the alcohol on me or remind me that I'm still a 'minor'. Later on she tells me that the boy behind me is sitting alone, too. She then goes up to him and says "So, the girl behind you...do you go to the same school? Do you know her?" We both turn around. "No, I don't know her." My waitress then replies w/ "Oh, well she's single!" Oh my word. "Great. I'm not." My waitress then goes "Oh, well, um... I gotta go now." I'm just laughing in my head.

 

I had soup and salad. Both were extremely yummy. When my waitress hands me my bill I realize that she left the Dr. Pepper I got off of the bill. I then pointed this out and she said "Oh, I know. I just feel so bad that you have to be here alone so I thought I'd leave it off." I tell her "Oh, I can't do that. I kno it's a small amount but it just wouldn't feel right." "AWWWW you're even a good person! Aw your so sweet! Ok, now I'm really angry at those jerks who forgot about you. Ok, next time you come in here come find me and give me a picture of these people and I will take them OUT!" I laugh. She is such a cool person! "Will Do," I say. I then paid the bill and said goodbye and left. Ok, so while my "Castmates" canceled the Chili's thing, apparently they didn't cancel this Improv show that they were going to go to at the high school. So I walk to the high school. I walk there in less than 15 minutes! WOOT! OK, only two of my castmates go to this Improv thing. Now I'm PISSED! I didn't really say much the rest of the night. I could've been having a good time with my friends, but no, I wasted my time eating alone and hanging with people I don't even like! GRRR! They can go fuck themselves for all I care.

 

My weekend gets worse. I asked that guy to banquet. He already had a date. Ok, nevermind that part wasn't very bad. I'm actually pretty okay with that since I REALLY didn't expect him to say yes anyway. It's the guy who asked me to banquet that PISSES ME OFF! Ok, so this guy, Jack, asks me to banquet. I really don't care for Jack, he scares the shit out of me. Ok, so what happened is I told him that I had already asked someone else but they hadn't told me whether or not they would go w/ me yet [Which was true at the time.] so I would consider him, otherwise I had a date already.  Less than 36 hours later; 6 text messages, a phone call and an email from Jack. All saying something like "Call me." or "I really need to talk to you." And one message saying something close to "I thought I was going to be your date." WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!? Ok, so, now I've told him that I have a date [which is a complete lie] but how else do I say "Get the fuck away from me because you scare the living shit out of me!" without saying Get the fuck away from me because you scare the living shit out of me? And now he won't stop bothering me about who it is!!

 

Boys...you PISS me OOFFFF!! Men, you're ok, but LITTLE BOYS stay the HELL away from me! Especially stalkers and psychos! I've dealt with you guys way too much this year, and I'm not putting up w/ any more of your shit!

So today we had to fill in our AP test scantron thingy's... It took me 30 minutes and yet I had to come to school two hours before it even started!!!! That's fucked up. So I didn't kno what to do.... I didn't kno where to go. I then decided to walk over to my old middle school which was across the street. Walking over, I got a feeling. It was a good feeling, like a feeling of freedom. It was good to kno that I could [at this time] walk anywhere without a single person caring about what I was doing. Freedom... Anyway, so I walked to the back because I knew that if I were to walk through the school, somebody would be on my tail and freaking out on me. Besides, the teacher I wanted to see was in the back, in a separate building. I go to the building and I see this kid walk in to the teacher's classroom and there on the outside of the door is a sign that say "TESTING DO NOT DISTURB." Damn TAKS testing. I was pissed, so then I just walked back to my school and did nothing. Classes were dumb today, especially since it was a half day. One thing that really sticks in my mind today is when I was standing in front of our band teacher's office with one of my friends showed me the shorts she made in home ec. class. They were very... well, not flashy, but OUT THERE. And they were very short. So I looked at her and I go U WHORE! Just playing around w/ her. She laughed, I laughed and then I look in the band office and see that my band instructor, Ms. Vowels, looking at me as if she had heard what I had just said. At that point, I wanted to run. See, Ms. Vowels has this way of making you feel so LOW and terrible about yourself and it's just depressing. She doesn't even have to say anything, it's just a look she gives. Not to mention Vowles doesn't care too much for me. I hate disappointing her or pissing her off. It's just not good. And knowing that I've done this, it freaks me out even more because of the fact that they recently told us that they are "downsizing" varsity marching band. We now have to try out for varsity which has never been done for band. And it's not just going to be about how good of a marcher you are, but you're also going to be judged on past performance. Plus if I want to be voted as an officer or drum major later on, then I've got to have a good rep. Oi...

 

I need to stop writing long entries.

A wish; a hope; a dream; a vision; a desire; a want...

 

An unlikely future. All of those terms perfectly describe this idea, this wanted yet unwanted feeling. I might as well call this whole blog "Meredith's aspirations and her moments of bitchiness." Yup, that sums up what it seems to be now. I guess I should start with the story now, huh?

 

Well, band banquet is coming up! OH YES!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....Oh no. I don't have a damn date! GRRRRRR y'kno if I was flirty enough or prettier or skinnier or just more outgoing, I might have a date. But... that's not the case. Ok, I'd be perfectly fine with not having a date, but I kno that come banquet when everybody's slow dancing with their dates and are having a good time, I'm gonna be that girl on the side just watching and wishing that it were different... and then the nerdy kids who wanted to ask me as a date or did ask me as a date and I said no because they practically stalk me [seriously, random myspace messages, text messages, phone calls when I DIDN'T give them my phone number...] are going to start coming up to me saying "Would you like to dance?" and I'm not going to be able to hide anywhere. My friends will either pity me or say "Well it's her own fault for not getting a date." Seriously, no self esteem on my part.

And then there's the guy I'd LIKE to go with. The guy I have a very tiny small crush on. The guy I've always thought was cute and was nice and had a great sense of humor [humor is a MUST for me and is a great turn on, too. If you can't make me laugh, then don't bother. And I don't mean laugh like 'heh...that's funny.' =] I mean like serious belly-aching laughing, where I'm swinging my head back and laughing really loud. ] and was a good friend. I'd like to ask him, but I don't kno how. For starters....he's 4 years older than me. We're in the same section and we're actually pretty good friends. Not GREAT, but good. We can carry on a conversation and we're close enough where we can hug and exchange secrets and I can cry on his shoulder and I kno he'll be there for me [which is what I love about him the most.] Now, I kno we'd never date, at least not while I'm still in high school, but even after that probably never so I kno boundaries and I accept that fact. I'd still like to go with him as a date though. Also he doesn't have a date, and I don't have a date. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

 

OK, so now I'm going to ask you to bear with me because this gets confusing. Vision 1: I had a dream. A dream where I was at school and I was enjoying my day and even though some weird things happened it was good. Fast forward dream; It was lunch time and it was D lunch. D lunch is the last lunch. Most seniors who have D lunch and then senior release for last period usually just leave and don't bother going to lunch. Ok, so I'm dreaming and in my dream the guy I want to take as a date comes to D lunch. He NEVER has come to D lunch because it's not his lunch and he's a senior so why bother staying?? Ok, REALITY: Less than a week since I had that dream, the guy actually comes to my lunch!! How weird as that? Ok, I'm not psychic but I've had several of these dreams lately and I've had a lot of deja vue's.

 

Vision 2: Quick version; my date for banquet is the guy I want to be my date. He's there! And we're having fun, and we actually act like a couple almost. Is this dream possible?? At least the part about him being my date??  I wish it were. I hope it is! So now I can either talk to my friend about asking him for me, or I can ask him myself [which I really don't want to do because I'm a wuss, I'll stutter a lot, and I'm afraid of confrontation], or just ignore and either find some one else or go alone. Any ideas???

Wow... I can't really describe how upset I am. I guess I'm going to try, though.

Ever since I first saw the drumline in a marching competition (which was in the 3rd grade) I've wanted to play percussion and be in the drumline in high school. But because my sister, Ashley, did percussion in middle school and quit after a year because she got BORED of it, I wasn't (and my sister, Becca wasn't) allowed to. Becca ended up in drumline anyway because she joined the cymbal line. So that was my big break: join the cymbal line; join drumline. But before I could get in to high school, the percussion teacher, Mr. Hayes, quit and we got another guy who didn't LIKE cymbals. They took away the cymbal line and now we just have a girl on the sideline clashing cymbals together. Pretty crappy and she hates it.

Last week, my friend, Nick, told me about tarp crew. Tarp crew is the crew that goes to competitions with the drumline to set up the tarp that they perform on and then take it off of the field and fold it up. I said I wanted to sign up for the crew when they started asking for people to sign up. He said he would sign me up. So I pretty much trusted him to that. I also told my friends Kelli and Breanna that I REALLY wanted to join tarp crew. I remember us talking and saying "Oh my gosh that'll be so much fun! We're SO doing it together." The next day, they did signups for tarp crew. Nick didn't sign me up, but signed himself up. Breanna signed herself up. And Kelli signed her and our other friend, Annie, up. But not me. Unfortunately I didn't get to school EARLY enough to sign up for the crew. I can't really describe how upset I felt. The fact that I love drumline so much and now I can't go to their last competition pretty much pissed me off. My friends don't love drumline NEARLY as much as I do. One of the people who signed up doesn't even like the drumline. He HATES them. He could care less about the drumline. I can't tell you how much I hate him at this point.

Yesterday Nick came up to me and said that there was an opening on the crew. I immediately went to Anna (who's basically the captain of the crew) and asked to join. "Ya sure just run it by Catie." (One of the other "Captains" of the crew.) I ran it by Catie who was kind of hesitant about it since I hadn't been to the practice for it, but she said yes. Now Catie didn't sign up either, but because she'd been on tarp crew for every drumline competition since she came to this school, she was allowed on. Little did I know that SHE was the one who filled the opening.

I came today so excited about going to the competition. I helped decorate the drumline hallway and just hung out for a while. Then the boy who hates drumline came in (C.J., Caitie's younger brother). He asked me "Did they get your medical form?" My what? "They need your medical form so you can go on the trip. A director needs to pull it out of the filing droor. If they don't have it you can't go." I was kinda freaking out because nobody told me that a director needed to get my medical form and if they had I would have talked to a directory YESTERDAY. There wasn't a director in sight. "Oh well, Ausdemore's coming soon. He'll get it." Then they did a head count for how many people were going; 10 people. Uh-oh. Only 10 people could go and Catie was supposed to come later. 11 people. Immediately people started saying "Well I'm not going home." "Well, I'm not EITHER!" And then I said "You don't have to worry about it. If anybody's going home, it's probably going to be me." I really hoped that wasn't true. But if it came down to it, they were OBVIOUSLY going to pick Catie, a senior with a lot of experience, over me, a freshman who'd never touched a tarp. Then Anna came in saying "Well it's not that you can't go, it's just the matter of having to pay insurance for an extra person, so there's still a chance. Let's just wait for Ausdemore." Ya, Ausdemore REALLY wants to pay, what, $100 more just to add another person when they could just stick with the original number and pay what they were going to pay originally. But I decided to hang around and wait for Ausdemore. But I didn't wait very long. I turned to C.J. (who actually used to be one of my BEST friends) and asked him if he thought I should just go home. "Ya you should. You really don't have a chance. If it came down between my sister and you, they're going to pick my sister. Sorry." I hated him so much at that moment, pure hatred. But I knew he was right, and that's what kills me the most. But it wasn't just that he was right. It was his tone. It was like he didn't care. You kno when people say I'm Sorry, but you know they're not sorry? Ya, his sorry sounded sarcastic, like he didn't care that I'd just been hurt. Thanks man. Thanks a lot.
I went home. I didn't get to see the drumline show. I don't know what place they got, and I spent a Saturday doing nothing except watch a movie with my parents called How to Marry A Millionare, an old film with Marilyn Monroe.

So basically, thank you to all of you who made me waste my time at the school and raised my hopes only to crush them and lied to me and pissed me off and didn't give me all the information I needed to kno and ruining my Saturday, the first day of Thanksgiving Break for me! Y'all are SWELL!

 

I play the saxophone in the CHHS marching band and love it a lot, but I will never love it as much I love percussion and drumline; the marimbas, the chimes, the snares, the timpanis, the cymbals, the gong, the tenors, the bass drums, and the marching. The last competition of the year and I don't get to see it. I've seen several of their past shows and I've seen this show a couple of times, too, and I love this years show so much more than the other ones. So thanks everyone. Thank you so much. Now I have to wait a year before I can do tarp crew for the drumline.

Yesterday was a terrible day because of one event.

 

It was about 10:00 last night when our buses were going down Glade Road. We had just come back from the Marching Band Competition at Birdville. We'd left early w/out finding what place we got because we wanted to avoid the rain. The bus I was on was the Saxophone bus and the bus in front of us (the first bus) was the clarinet bus. As the clarinet bus came to the Glade-Pool intersection, I heard a REALLY loud bang. At first I thought the clarinet bus' tire blew out because the bus looked kinda tilted. Then our bus driver started yelling "EVERYBODY, GET DOWN! STAY DOWN!" At that point, I thought someone had a gun and was shooting at us. Then I saw a car that was smoking and looked undamaged and I thought "Ok, it was just a car backfiring." And then someone yelled "Oh my god, she's hurt! Call the police." At that point I saw the front of the other bus and saw that is was crushed. We were all freaking out. I couldn't get a clear view, but people kept saying "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." I saw them pull the woman out of the car. Her body was limp. They started moving her arms and legs around. I didn't see her moving. It looked as if she had no control over her limbs, that the only way they were moving was from the people around her. It was scary. Our saxophone section leader (whose girlfriend was also on that bus) then told us to make room on the bus for the clarinets. Everyone doubled up and went to the back of the bus. The clarinets ended up staying in their bus for a while and not coming w/ us. When we started to drive away, I saw the whole front of the bus, which was crushed. I just broke down at that point. There were fire men in the bus, too, taking care of everyone. I had friends on that bus. They said everyone was all right, but it turns out not everyone was all right. The bus driver was hurt and a chaperone was hurt. When I got back to the band hall I had stopped crying, and put some of my stuff away. Once I saw one of my friends though, we both started crying again, mainly over our really good friend who was on that bus and that we felt so bad for the woman in the car. After hugging her, I started walking around the band hall trying to figure out what to do next and what stuff I needed to put away and if I should go to the bathroom to clean up. I got comforted by a lot of people including people I barely knew. I still don't know the condition of the woman in the car and how my friends are doing.

I think now it was kind of silly for me to be crying like that. I guess I was just really scared though for people on both sides of the accident. I was also overwhelmed by "What if..." questions and thoughts of what could have happened and the sight of that woman.

Yesterday was a bad day.